Friendly Feminist

Until recently, I did not know that I was a feminist.  Perhaps, because the perceived perception of such a woman is one who is constantly bitter, standing in the streets burning her bra, screaming, “I hate men!”

 

But, I have come to realize what feminism really means: equality.  What feminists want is to have the same equal rights as men.  And these rights do not just stop at the work place.  They extend to every aspect of life itself.

 

I agree wholeheartedly.  My husband is actually the one who pointed out that I might be the “f” word.  At first, I was horrified.  While I don’t hate men, I do hate the double standard that has surrounded women since the dawn of time.  So, I took it upon myself to learn more about the word and the meaning behind it.

 

Now, I proudly admit that I am indeed one of “them.”  I am not militaristic in my views.  I believe that together, we can make the necessary changes to see that women and men are treated equally.

 

As women, we need to stand up for ourselves.  Too many times, we can see the injustice that is being done, but we don’t want to “make waves.”  So, we bite our tongue and say nothing, letting the cycle continue.

 

A woman’s voice should not be silenced.  While I do not believe in drastic measures, such as bombing abortion clinics, I do believe that we need to speak louder.  We need to use the social media to our advantage.  Create petitions.  Demand change.  But in a peaceful manner.

 

I also feel that education is the key.  The problem with so many of the world’s issues is that no one has taken the time to educate themselves.  While we have a wealth of knowledge at our fingertips, we waste our time by playing meaningless games, such as Candy Crush.

 

In the most recent issue of Glamour Magazine, there was an article called "The New Do:  Calling Yourself a Feminist."  Some of today’s leading pop stars do not consider themselves to be feminists.  To quote Katy Perry, "I am not a feminist, but I do believe in the strength of women."  And of course, Lady Gaga adds:  "I'm not a feminist-I hail men, I love men.  I celebrate American male culture and beer and bars and muscle cars."  

Yikes!  So, Katy does not understand that the whole concept of feminism is about equality.  It has nothing to do with the "strength of women."  And Lady Gaga?  In my mind, she is basically endorsing the inequality that still exists between men and women.  What a great message to be sending to her younger, female fans.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have equal rights.  But, yet, the word "feminist" is often met with a backlash.  Not all feminists are extreme.  Just like in my "Brazen Breedism" post, we should not be judging how an entire group acts based upon the actions of one individual.

So, I will continue with the fight for the rights that women deserve.  I will publicly declare myself as a member of this movement.  Much like Martin Luther King, "I have a dream" and will not be deterred by the words that people call me.

Solitary Sidelines

My husband thinks that I’m crazy.  Why, you ask?  He believes that I do too much.  He is always telling me that I need to relax.  But, there is just so much life to experience!  I cannot imagine sitting on the couch watching TV when I can be making a change in the world.

 

I trained one of my Chihuahuas to become a certified Therapy Dog with Therapy Dogs International.  We just recently became members of the Memorial Hospital Auxiliary where we visit the patients in the Care Center on Saturdays.  I have written a children’s book about our special three-legged dog, Penny, that is currently being viewed for representation.  As a member of the Freeburg E.S.D.A. (Emergency Services and Disaster Agency), I am assisting my Dad (the Coordinator) in preparing brochures and a PowerPoint presentation for our upcoming Open House.  I have also taken it upon myself to begin a campaign to have a dog park built in town.

 

And then, there are the charity walks.  I am the team captain of Memaw’s Mantel Mashers for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s annual Light the Night event.  I am the team captain of Leonard’s Legion for the Pancreatic Cancer Network’s PurpleStride walk.  I am the team captain of Gene’s Gladiators for the American Diabetes Association’s Step Out Walk.  Then, there are about 5 dog-centered events that I am also manning.

 

Not to mention the fact that I work out every day and take care of our 6 dogs and 1 kitten.  Am I bragging?  Absolutely not.  I am just that passionate about all of these causes.

 

While I can certainly understand that many people simply do not have the time to be involved in everything that I just mentioned above, I do not understand why people are unwilling to try something new.  *Betty is one such person.  I have tried inviting her to events for years.  But, she always manages to find a reason not to go.  I encouraged her to come with me and my husband to the Canine Carnival.  She declined claiming that it “wasn’t safe” for her dogs.  Really?  If I am willing to take my fur babies somewhere, you KNOW that it’s a safe place.

 

I have encouraged her to work out and even offered to have her come to my house so that she wouldn’t have to be embarrassed at a gym.  Again, excuses prevailed.  Her knees hurt, she was tired, she doesn’t like to sweat.  Bottom line:  She doesn’t want to work.  Believe me, I do not sit at work and count down the hours until my sweat session.  But, I know that in order to be healthy, it is a necessary evil.

 

Then, Betty said the most peculiar thing to me.  She is actually the person who got me involved in the PurpleStride walk.  One of her friend’s husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and invited her to come to the walk.  I, in turn, was invited and loved it!  So, when the even rolled around the following year, I called Betty up to ask if she was planning on going.  To my surprise, she was angry because the friend had not personally invited her to attend.  She refused to go to the walk.  Matt and I went, however, and saw the friend who gave us a huge hug and thanked us for coming out and showing our support.  Betty missed out all because she was wanting an invitation.

 

I wonder how many people out there act the same way.  Sitting on the sidelines, waiting to be invited to participate in life.  You know what?  You don’t need an invitation!

 

You have the ability to do whatever it is that inspires you.  When you feel passionate about something, go for it!  Believe me, I was definitely nervous the first time I signed up to be a team captain.  And I used to be so shy at events like the Canine Carnival.  But, like Jillian Michaels says, once I got out of my comfort zone (a.k.a. my box), I found that a whole new part of my soul was awakened.

 

I have been a part of touching moments that I will remember for the rest of my life.  I have made connections with people who are just as enthusiastic about charities and dogs as I am.  Plus, I generally feel stronger, happier and friendlier all from expanding my horizons.

 

While trying something new can be scary, it is definitely worth the risk.  You will not gain anything from staying inside your “box,” going to the same places and doing the same things over and over.  And you don’t have to do anything huge.  Start with something small, like going somewhere different for dinner.  Attend one charity walk with your friend and see where it takes you.

 

 

So, consider this your personal invitation to participate in the greatest event ever:  your life!

*name changed

LAUREN and MATTHEW's Sponsorship Page

LAUREN and MATTHEW's Sponsorship Page: Welcome to our World Vision Sponsor Page! We are so happy to share the wonderful experience of being a sponsor with you! We hope that you will be inspired to sponsor a child (or two or three) of your own. You will not regret helping those in need!

Mandisa's 'Overcomer' Music Video World Premiere | Video - ABC News

Mandisa's 'Overcomer' Music Video World Premiere | Video - ABC News

This video is amazing!  I am reminded of my Grandma's struggle with Mantel Cell Lymphoma.  The doctor's gave her 4 months back in 2011.  She is still with us today and will be 91 in December!  Praise be to God!

Careless Church

As you know from my previous posts, I tend to stay away from such controversial subjects as religion.  I believe that everyone has the right to believe in what/whom ever he/she chooses.  However, I feel compelled to share the story of how I came to leave my church.  This post is in no way meant to push my religious beliefs on others.

So, I received a "come back to church" letter in the mail from the place of worship that my husband and I used to attend.  I can tell you exactly what I did with it:  threw it in the trash.  Now, allow me to tell you why.

I am a born and raised Christian.  My parents were both Sunday School teachers back when I was younger.  They always taught me the importance of God and going to church.  However, I was never forced into anything.  When the time came for me to be confirmed, they allowed me to choose if I wanted to partake.

I was very proud to become a member of the church that had been so important to my family.  My dad was confirmed there.  My parents were married there.  I was baptized, confirmed and married there. 

But, my fellow confirmands did not feel the same.  Most of them were simply going through the motions because their parents made them.  Going to church was not important to them.  So, once they were confirmed in front of the whole congregation, they never came back.

Still, every Sunday, I was there.  A woman who was a few years older than me tried to start a college study group to be held on Sunday mornings (like Sunday school, only geared toward college-age people).  But, she soon became frustrated because I was the only one coming.  She ended up stating that there was no point in having the group for "just" me.

Wow!  This coming from my sister in Christ.  Jesus loves and cherishes everyone and is happy to listen to all who come to him.  And I think that His followers should feel the same.

I could tell that when other members of the congregation saw me, their thought was, "It's just Lauren."  Granted, I wasn't looking for special attention or a pat on the back for being the only confirmed person to remain active within the church.  But, I was hoping to be a VALUED member.

For a brief time, I was on the Christian Education Committee.  All that the pastor could talk about was getting more young people into the church.  Bottom line:  He wanted people that were planning on having tons of children to keep the church going.  People like me and my husband were getting lost in the quest for a larger congregation.

But what brought everything to a head was the month of April 2011.  My grandmother was diagnosed with Mantel Cell Lymphoma.  In other words, she has cancer of the blood.  I could not understand why this was happening so suddenly.  Just a week prior, she had been feeling and looking great.  Now, she was reduced to being confined to a hospital bed on the chemotherapy floor.

This was a tremendous hit to my faith.  Why was this happening when I was always in church and treating people the way that I knew God wanted me to?  I tried to blame myself, but in the end, God received the brunt of my wrath.

I yelled, screamed and cried every night for two weeks straight.  The doctors were only giving her four months to live.  Why had God abandoned me?

My mom told me that the pastor had called her at home to see how she was doing and if she needed anything.  So, I patiently waited for my phone call.  It never came.  I realize that mom is grandma's daughter, but I am her only granddaughter and love her more than anything in the world.  Why was I not receiving comfort?

My husband and I traded going to church for spending the day at the hospital with grandma.  I wanted to soak up every second with her that I could.  We had not been to church in about a month.  That is when I finally received a call from the pastor.

Guess what he had to say?  That he could "squeeze me in" to see how I was doing.  Seriously?  "Squeeze me in?"  I know that I still have three books of the Bible to complete before I have read it in its entirety, but in what I've read so far, Jesus never said that He would "squeeze someone in."  In fact, He went out of his way to seek the very people that everyone else avoided:  tax collectors, prostitutes, lepers.

That was the final straw.  Not to mention the fact that none of the church members tried to contact me in any way to see if I was okay.  Why would I want to be a member of such a hypocritical institution?  They pretend to be loving and caring, but they are ignoring those that need their help.  Could no one be bothered to stop by the house?  Send a quick e-mail?  Snail mail?  I guess not.

So, Matt and I stopped going to church.  We have talked about going elsewhere.  However, I discovered something amazing.  After my anger at God had subsided, I drew closer to Him than I ever had before.  I was constantly praying and talking to Him.  I began to read my Bible again with renewed interest.

And then, I started to feel something inside.  No, my heart didn't grow three sizes like the Grinch.  I believe that God's spirit came alive within me.  I wish no offense on the church, but why would I go to a place that is so unsupportive when I can speak directly to God?

My relationship with God is the strongest that it has ever been.  He used the darkest time in my life as a catalyst to bring me closer to Him. And He also worked a miracle.  My grandmother is still with us and will celebrate her 91st birthday in December.  Praise be to God!

Exercise Enthusiast

I have a confession to make:  I love to exercise.  I’ll admit, I was shocked, too when I first discovered my passion.  And I have one person in particular to thank:  Ms. Jillian Michaels.

 

When I lived with my parents, I remember my mom obsessing over “The Biggest Loser.”  I could never understand why.  She would always say, “I’d hate to be on Jillian’s team!”  Sure enough, every week Jillian was screaming in someone’s face, telling them to push harder.  Then the person would promptly hop off of the treadmill or bike…and throw up.

 

I remember thinking, “Wow, she’s tough!”  And then I thought about all of the reasons why she would need to act this way.  All of the contestants have become dangerously overweight by continually making excuses for themselves.  The primary one?  “I can’t do it.  It’s too hard!”  Doesn’t this sound a bit like a child whining because they don’t want to have to clean their room or do their homework?

 

The consequences for these people if they choose to nothing will ultimately be an untimely death.  I don’t know about you, but I would work myself until the point of bursting if it came down to a matter of life or death.  So, this is why Jillian pushes them so hard.  She genuinely cares about them and their well-being.

 

While I have been blessed in the fact that I have never been obese, I did have my Oprah “Aha!” moment about my weight.  One day while working at a previous job, I was standing by the copier waiting for it to finish spitting out my paperwork.  So, I decided to look down at my shoes…and I couldn’t see them.  I was mortified!  How did I let myself get this way?  I was only 23 years old and I couldn’t see my feet!

 

To look at me, you wouldn’t have thought this was a big deal.  I am freakishly tall at 5’11”.  My weight was usually well distributed.  I was one of those disgusting people that could eat whatever I wanted and not gain an ounce.  Let me tell you, it will catch up with you someday.

 

After leaving work that day, I knew what I had to do.  I needed someone tough to get my body back in the amazing shape that it had been in high school.  I needed Jillian!  So, I went to Target and picked up the very first DVD that she had released.  After the hour long workout, I felt like I was going to die!  The next day, I could barely walk!  I almost had to ask for help getting up off of the floor when bending down to put a file away in a filing cabinet.

 

But, I refused to give up.  After two weeks, I found that I could get through the entire workout without feeling like I was going to faint AND I could walk the next day!  From then on, I made exercising a priority in my life.

This is when the backlash started.  My grandmother worried that I was "obsessed" with working out and that I was pushing myself too hard.  My mom thought that I was trying to lose more weight.  She still keeps commenting: "You're so skinny!"

While I will not publicly reveal my weight (I don't want to jinx all of my hard work!) I can tell you that I weigh more than I did in high school.  But, I feel comfortable in my body.  And the common misconception is that people only exercise to lose weight.  This is not true at all.  I exercise in order to maintain the weight that I have already lost (thanks to Jillian's Total Body Revolution).

Plus, study after study proves that exercising is the key to living a healthy life.  And this is why exercising is so important to me.  I make time by working out as soon as I get home from work.  The routines are only 45 minutes long.

Here is the plan that works for me:

Monday and Wednesday:  Jillian Michaels Hard Body

Tuesday and Thursday:  Zumba game for the Wii

Friday:  Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown  

I am not "addicted" to exercising.  Do I wish that I could simply skip a day and veg on the couch?  You bet!  But, I know that if I slip into that kind of mentality, I will soon not be exercising at all.  Don't get me wrong, when I am sick I leave Jillian in her box.  You should never try to push yourself when you are already feeling run down.  I workout when I am able so that I will live a long and meaningful life.  Someone has to be around to torture my husband!

Still, I am proud of everything that I have accomplished.  I love looking at my Jillian DVDs and remembering how hard I used to think they were.  Now, I can hardly wait for her next installment!  With each DVD, I grow stronger both physically and mentally.

Now, exercising has become a part of who I am.  Feeling empowered has made me a much happier person. And if I've managed to make a few ex-boyfriends jealous in the process, that's just an added bonus.

 

Condescending Competition

A little known fact about me, I love to play games!  Board games, card games, video games, dice games.  You name, I probably like to play it.  Please note that I do NOT gamble!

 

With that being said, I have noticed that playing games of this nature tends to be…competitive.  My mom and I always used to play Scrabble.  We even bought the official Scrabble dictionary to make sure that we couldn’t cheat.  I enjoyed every game that I played with her.  It wasn’t about winning, it was about spending time together and trying to improve.

 

One of my ex-boyfriends got me interested in the famous Magic:  The Gathering card game.  I enjoyed the strategy involved.  At the time, my boyfriend had been very patient when showing me how to play and explaining all of the numerous rules.  When we played, I always learned something new.  I remade my decks based on what I saw worked for him (and sometimes, he copied me!).

 

That is when one of our friends suggested a “friendly” tournament.  I should have known better.  We showed up with our decks ready for fun.  What we got was the following:  *Bob played a card that gave him protection from every color (red, black, blue, white and green) in the deck.  This meant that none of our creatures, no matter the color, could attack him.  So, we asked ourselves, what was the point in “playing” with him?  We didn’t get to do anything except keep drawing cards, hoping for a miracle while he destroyed us in about 10 minutes.

 

I came up with an expression:  “Are you playing to win or playing to play?”  What I mean is, are you playing because you HAVE to win at all costs, or are you playing because you simply enjoy the game and want to spend time with your friends and family?

 

Another gaming fad that another boyfriend (now my husband) had gotten me into was Pirates.  The game involves building these tiny plastic ships.  Each ship has its own set of special abilities.  You are only allowed to move so far based on the plastic cards that come with the ship.  I can’t tell you how much money we wasted on them in our younger years.  I remember that we bought out an entire Game Stop store once.  What dorks!

 

An idea was hatched that we would have a super Pirates tournament at Matt’s house and invite a set of my friends and a set of his friends.  We thought that it would be this amazing party-type atmosphere with music and food, and fun!  We had the music.  The food was delicious.  What we didn’t have?  A straight jacket for Matt’s one “friend.”

 

This guy literally HAS to win whatever game you are playing or he becomes violent.  Seriously.  Wouldn’t you know it, I actually managed to hold my own.  Soon, it was me, Matt and his friend.  Not good.  The trash talking then began.  Soon, the friend went after me and my ships, laughing maniacally every time one was destroyed.  I found that I was glad to have been taken out of the game.  Matt used his ghost ship and in a few swift moves, decimated his friend.

 

That is when all heck broke loose.  This guy started yelling that it “wasn’t fair” and that the ship Matt used was “cheap.”  He then began to throw his ships back into a box and stomp off.  Matt and I were mortified.  My friends saw this (including Bob from the Magic fandango) and just said, “Wow.”

 

I will never understand people like this!  Why is winning so important?  It’s not like we were playing for money.  You can’t put “Pirates Champion” on your resume.  So, why get so wrapped up about losing?  This guy came in 2^nd place out of 5 people.  I’d say that’s an accomplishment.

 

Perhaps, this is just a strange phenomenon with the male population.  I could go all Freud and say that the person is trying to fill a void and that he has “issues” with not being good enough.  Come on!  This reminds me of the way that kids pout when they lose at Tag or Red Rover.  Get over it!

 

My eyes were truly opened when I saw the competitive beast come out in my fiancé.  He and his friends were obsessed with the Lord of the Rings card game.  I could not get into it, no matter how hard I tried.  We were attempting to have a date and his friends were upstairs playing the game.  Soon, they came in begging Matt to play.  He kept refusing saying that he gave that up.  I wondered why he was acting so strangely.  So, I encouraged him to play.

 

Finally, he agreed.  That’s when it happened.  My kind, caring, sweet, gentle fiancé turned into a complete jerk.  He began trash talking (which I had never heard him do before).  He began playing cards similar to what Bob had done with Magic.  While he won the game, he lost a lot of my respect that night.  “What happened to you?” I asked as he was smiling smugly, enjoying his victory.  “What do you mean?  I won.”  “Yes,” I replied, “and you were a jerk to your friends.”  It took a minute for it to sink in before he quietly said, “I told you I didn’t want to play.”

 

Thankfully, I thought after we had gotten married that he would grow out of it.  Not!  Mario Kart for the Wii cannot be played if he is at home.  He is the guy that continues to hit your kart until you go spinning out of control onto the shoulder.  All I wanted was a chance to race.  Not necessarily to beat him, but the computer opponents.  Then there’s Mario Party.  Same thing.  He will use every cheat and shortcut that he can think of to win.

 

Why, men?  I just do not understand your insane desire to win, even if it means hurting those you love and care about.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all for some light ribbing, but I want the games to be what they were intended to be:  FUN!