Attitude Adjustment

My eyes are shut tightly.  I know what’s coming.  Taking a deep breath, I approach my husband.

“Could you please take the trash out?  Tomorrow is pick up day.”

That’s when the tantrum starts.  He begins to stomp around the house and slam doors.  Replacing the trash bag becomes a scene in and of itself.  Then he mutters under his breath as he makes the not-so-long trip to the end of our driveway.

This display went on for about three weeks.  Finally, I had had enough.  I explained that I was not asking him to remove the trash to annoy him.  We use a very large trash can and I am not physically strong enough to carry the bag.  Since that conversation, his tantrums have stopped.

I listen to the Jillian Michaels podcast and something that she said several months back really resonated with me.  She said that we need to stop “co-signing on other people’s bs.”  This means that you do not simply agree with someone’s behavior just because you love him/her.  To me, if you really love someone, you see their flaws and because you love them, you inform them of their behavior.

If your significant other refuses modify his/her behavior, it might be time to move on.  I think of all of the women who stay with their “husbands” even though they know they are being cheated on.  Heck to the no!  We as women (and as human beings) deserve so much better than that.  Why would we want to sit idly by and pretend that we are okay with the situation? 

I also began to think about people who know that their other half is molesting children.  Or abusing animals.  How could you possibly do nothing knowing that this type of heinous behavior is going on?  To me, if you do nothing to stop it, you are just as guilty as the person performing the cruel acts.

Love should not have a blinding effect on our minds.  Or even worse, our conscience.  

We know the difference between right and wrong.  If we care about someone, we need to address these behaviors as soon as possible.  Refusing to believe in reality achieves nothing.  The person will continue to spiral out of control until he/she is made aware of their actions.

No one wants to be alone.  I understand.  After my high school sweetheart of 4 ½ years broke up with me, I was devastated.  I had gotten so used to being part of a couple that I had forgotten how to be me.  I fell into the melodramatic fear that I would be alone forever.  But the truth was, I didn’t miss him.

He had started to become verbally abusive during the last year and half of the relationship.  Then he began lying about where he was and who he was with.  This all culminated with the fact that he flew into a jealous rage whenever he saw me even talk to another guy, even if it was a fellow college classmate.

When the relationship ended, I took a step back and re-evaluated my priorities.  I was in college and very focused on my education.  A degree in journalism was my goal.  Did I want to find the right guy and get married?  Absolutely, but I was not willing to compromise my dreams and morals to make it happen.

I decided that I was done with the foolish games of cat and mouse.  So over trying to please someone who really didn’t care about me and my dreams.  And certainly finished with people who have severe trust issues.

I did not want to spend my life being someone’s mother or personal cheerleader.  Or cry myself to sleep as I had been doing for the past three months.  I wanted to invest in myself and find the love that I knew I deserved.

As fate would have it, I met my now husband in a college class that I was told I needed to transfer to a four year institution.  In reality, the course counted for nothing and was not needed at all.  I would love to say that our relationship has been perfect, but that would be a lie.

We have certainly had ups and downs.  Trials and tribulations that have truly tested our bond.  However, out of our deep love for one another grew respect.  We value each other and do our best to show it daily.

My husband knows that if his attitude begins to show, we will be having a discussion.  I don’t shy away and remain silent as I did with my ex-boyfriend.  I stand up for myself and focus on working out the issue instead of fighting to be right. 

He also knows that if I call him out for a certain behavior that it is something that he really needs to work on.  I don’t believe in nitpicking over the small things like socks on the floor next to the hamper.  I want my husband to be the best person that he can be, not just for me, but for himself.  And I know that he helps to make me a better person too.  If I start to get crabby or judgmental, he brings it to my attention so that I can reign in my emotions.

This is what it means to love someone.  Yes, you love them when they are at their worst, but you don’t allow their worst to define them.  You build them up with faith and support, but you also make it clear that there are certain behaviors that will not be tolerated.  Don’t co-sign on the dotted line for the bs of others.