Wonderous Woman

As you know, I love Ms. Jillian Michaels.  She has truly inspired me to live my best life.  I also love listening to her free podcasts (available on iTunes).

This morning, I was listening to the "Do you have my back?" episode.  Jillian pointed out that males seem to stand up for one another whereas females tend to trash each other.  She stated that we, as women, seem to always think that another female is going to come along and "take our man."  But, males have the famous "Bros before hoes" saying.

The scary part?  I think that she is right.  At our homecoming parade last year, the class of 2003 was asked to ride on a float.  As dorky as it sounds, I was super excited.  However, when my husband and I got to the float, I was literally transported back to high school.  The boys immediately greeted each other with a hardy handshake or man hug. But he girls broke off into their cliques and stood glaring at the other girls, sizing them up.

Why can't women have as healthy of relationships as men?  I believe I have the answer:  jealousy.

Case in point, my husband used to have a best friend named *Ben.  They would talk on the phone, go to the movies, tool shop together.  It was adorable!  And since my husband was home schooled until college, he really didn't have any other friends.

Then, Ben met *Claudia.  At first glance, she seemed like such a nice person.  We double dated (Matt and I were already married) a few times and enjoyed ourselves.  But, Ben proposed to Claudia and a new side emerged.  The sweet, fun-loving girl was replaced with a self-absorbed, conceited, spoiled witch.

Claudia had to have everything her way and Ben was all too happy to comply.  Suddenly, every time I tried to talk with her, it became a competition.  When I told her I had published a book, she immediately responded that she was currently writing one.  When Matt brought up the fact that some of my poems had been published in a magazine, she stated that hers were, too.

And she seemed to have a real problem with me hugging Ben when saying "hello" or "goodbye."  Matt was asked to be a groomsman in the wedding and my faith was renewed.  I thought that perhaps she was just so consumed with wedding plans, that she was turning into a temporary bridzilla.

I couldn't have been more wrong.  At the rehearsal dinner, she didn't say two words to me or Matt.  We were like the leper table.  Still, I knew that I had to endure all of this drama for the sake of Matt and Ben's friendship.  The wedding was nice, but Claudia then demanded to spend two additional hours taking photos of...herself.

While standing in a park, freezing our booties off, Ben's mother called him.  The reception was being held on a military base (thanks to Claudia's father) and his mom left her parking pass at home.  That's when Ben yelled at his mother.  It was clear to see the damage that Claudia had done.  She had taken a family oriented man and turned him into her slave.

We stayed at the reception just long enough for the dinner, toasts and first few dances.  Then, we bolted.  Before we left, we walked over to Ben and Claudia to thank them for making us a part of their special day.  I hugged Claudia and received a Paris Hilton type response.  As I moved to hug Ben, he actually, paused, asked Claudia for permission and then proceeded to hug me.

I could not believe it!  Why was she so afraid of me?  I can assure you that I am not a threatening person in the least.  And she always acted so protective of Ben.  Did she miss the fact that Matt and I had been married for like two years?  I guess that doesn't mean anything to some women, but it does to me.  It means that I am happily taken off of the market and am not even looking at anyone else in that way (aside from Chris Pine).

Claudia got what she wanted.  Matt stopped seeing Ben because he hated how Claudia was treating me.  He offered to talk with Ben, but I knew that he wouldn't go against his "princess's" demands.  So, Matt lost his best friend all because of stupid jealousy.

Why do we make it so hard to be female?  With behavior like the above, we are not doing ourselves any favors.  We also seem to want to support our fellow sisters as long as they are not doing better than us.  If a female co-worker gets a promotion, we smile in her face and congratulate her, but hit happy hour with the rest of the office and bash her until the bar closes.

And we talk about men having the "whose is bigger" complex?  We have it even worse!  Where men typically stop comparing at body parts, cars and girlfriends, we take it to another level.  Women compare jobs, houses, jewelry, significant others, trips, pets and even children.

Ladies, for hundreds of years, generations of women have fought so that we can have the rights that we do today. Yet, instead of fighting problems, like the corporate glass ceiling, we are choosing to fight with one another.  When we see a sister that is struggling or being wrongly accused, we need to protect her in any way that we can.  Instead of being demoralizing, we should be gathering together to provide a network of love and support.

Please understand that I am not saying we should agree on every issue simply because we are females.  What I am suggesting is that we should always respect each other and seek to empower fellow women.  I know that I feel up to the challenge having Jillian Michaels on our side.

*Names Changed

Liberating Life

A few days ago, I was sitting on the couch and I realized something.  I am truly blessed.  And I love my life.

While years past have been rocky, 2014 is off to a great start.  I recently received a promotion at work.  I will finally be a full time employee again!  And as excited as I am about the job itself, I am ecstatic that I will now be able to help better support my family.

 But, I have also noticed how other people seem to want to invalidate my life.  When happily speaking with a former co-worker of mine about how this new job will greatly help my family, she sort of laughed.  I believe it is because my husband and I have six dogs and a cat. 

For some reason, many people do not see this as a "family."  Unfortunately, stereotypical ideals seem to be firmly in place.  To qualify as a "real" family to most of the world you need to have human children.  And if you don't, but have an abundance of fur kids, people assume that you are unable to have children and are "filling the void." 

Nothing could be further from the truth.  My husband and I are perfectly capable of having children.  We are choosing not to.  I could go into the long list of reasons why kids just aren't for us, however, that's the beautiful thing.  I don't have to.  Our decision doesn't need to be validated by anyone.  This is our marriage, our life and our family.

Unlike many of my friends, I am also quite content with what I have.  I love my 2009 Chevy Cobalt (that was just paid off last year!).  And I have no intention of selling it to "upgrade" to a Lexis or any other ridiculously priced car.  A vehicle does not (and should not) define who you are.  It is merely a tool to get you from point A to point B comfortably and safely.

Too many people are caught up in the "keeping up with the Jones'" syndrome.  My friend *Betty is one such person.  She is never happy with what she has (and she has a lot).  If someone remodels their house, she begins making plans to redo her own.  If someone has new jewelry on, she makes a trip to the mall that weekend.

It is quite a sad thing to watch.  She is surrounded by so much love and support and security.  Yet, that seems to not be enough for her.  And she has no qualms about telling others how to "upgrade" either.  Whenever she comes over to our house, she always makes at least one comment about something she would change.

But you know what?  I wouldn't change a single thing.  Matt and I are so very fortunate that we are even able to afford a house.  Many of my friends are still living in apartments and some (gulp!) are still at home with their parents.  And while I understand that the house needs a few adjustments (new windows and a new sink), I have no desire to move to a different one.  We have made this house our home and that's all that matters.

And then there are those who are constantly trying to climb the social ladder. You know, the people that seem to have 10 million Facebook friends, 2 million twitter followers, etc.  To be quite honest, my husband and I have one person that we truly consider our friend. 

That's right, just one.  Yes, I have tons of "friends" on Facebook, twitter and numerous connections on LinkedIn.  But, none of these people really even know me.  Sure, we may have gone to high school together, but, do they know my hopes, dreams, fears and passions? 

This one person has been the bestest friend that we could have ever asked for.  He came racing over to the house one day on his way to work (making him late) so that he could help me unclog our toilet while my husband was at work.  He has seen me without my make-up on.  And I trust him implicitly.

My point is, it truly is not the quantity, but the quality of your friendships that matter.  I can count on one hand the number of Facebook "friends" that would have helped me with my toilet that day.  I'll give you a hint:  it's less than one.

In conclusion, your life has a purpose and meaning.  And you do not need to seek anyone's approval for living the way that best suits you.  Be proud of who you are and take ownership of your life.

*Name changed

Icy Imbeciles

As my loyal readers know, I live in Freeburg, Illinois.  I have been a Midwesterner my whole life.  That being said, I am used to having quite diverse weather.

However, it appears that many people living within the area are not familiar with one particular phenomenon:  ice.  This cool culprit comes around during the months of December, January and February. Unlike its counterpart, snow, ice is not typically pretty to look at and can create some very hazardous conditions.

My town was recently hit with one of the worst snow storms in 20 years.  We received about a foot of snow.  Then, we were plagued with two days of bitter cold in which the windchill dropped to a -20!  This means that all of the chemicals the road crews were putting out were doing...nothing.

I found this out on my way in to work on Tuesday.  We were lucky enough to be closed on Monday, but, were put on a snow schedule the following day.  Not opening until 10:00 a.m. would surly give the chemicals and sun light a chance to clear things up.  Not so much.

The roadways were completely covered in white.  I found out that I was actually driving on the side of the road for a portion of my commute. Living in the Midwest, you become very weather savvy.  When I am driving in icy/snowy conditions, I will turn on my hazard lights (also known as "flashers").  Many people respected the fact that I was barely going 20 mph and kept their distance.

However, several trucks sailed past me as if there was no reason to not be driving 55 mph.  As I approached my turn off, one truck in particular passed me, got in front of me and stomped on his brakes in order to stop at the red light. He promptly slid halfway into the intersection.

Before I could even make the necessary turn, my car suddenly began sliding to the side of the road.  Remembering my driver's education from high school, I knew to turn into the skid.  But, the ice didn't seem to register that that was what I was doing.  I continued to slide, bumped into a snow bank and was gently pushed back onto the road.

The ride home was no better.  However, I found that the drivers of two types of vehicles in particular were feeling quite brave (and foolish).  Yes, trucks and 4 x 4's were flying past me as if I were in park.  A few even had the nerve to give me a dirty look.

I cannot comprehend why the drivers of these vehicles believe that they are impervious to ice.  I don't care if you have 4 wheel drive, chains and 6 tons of cat litter in your truck bed.  If you hit a large patch of ice, you WILL slide (or at least fishtail).

Case in point, when I was attending college at Southern Illinois University Edwardsville in 2006, we were hit with a very nasty snow storm (much like this one).  My Dad worked at the Illinois State Police in Collinsville.  He insisted on driving me to school so that I would be safe.  The roads were horrible.  With as wonderful of a driver as my Dad is, we slid at least four times.  We passed several fellow students who were stuck in a ditch by the campus.

Dad decided to use one of his sick days to stay with me so that if any classes were cancelled (as most of mine were), he could take me straight home.  After picking up my final report from my Media Ethics class, I told him that we could skip my computer class (which I found out was cancelled later due to the campus closing).  We were just passing Eckert's Country Store when a teenage boy in a red, beat up pick-up truck went flying by, laughing and pointing at us for going so slow.

We watched in amazement as the truck hit a patch of black ice, slide into the nearby ditch and ping-ponged back and forth like a pinball.  As we crept by, the boy was no longer laughing.  In fact, he looked quite pale and had an "Oh, crap!" look on his face.

The moral of my post?  Be safe when driving on icy and snowy roads!  You and your vehicle are not invincible.  And if you see someone driving with his/her "flashers" on, give them a brake and pass with care, no dirty looks required.

Hostile Holidays

'Twas six days before Christmas and all through the Web
The ultimate battle was refusing to ebb.
Happiness and cheer were nowhere to be found
And clicking of computer keys was the only sound.
Each side wishing to be the victor
But the holiday season is about so much more.

As I checked my Facebook feed, I expected to see festive posts.  Friends happily talking about coming home for the holidays, proud parents displaying photos of their children on Santa's lap.  And of course, dogs in adorable Christmas attire.

However, what I saw was a feud as old as time itself.  How should you greet someone during this time of year?  Do you say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays?"  Either way, you are bound to offend someone.

I have found that the people who offer up "Merry Christmas" are typically Christians. They choose to celebrate the birth of Jesus, God's one and only son, on Christmas day.  So, in saying this phrase, they are keeping Christ in Christmas because He is the reason for the season. 

People who choose to say "Happy Holidays" may or may not be Christian.  This phrase encompasses all the holidays that occur during this time (Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, etc.) and has no religious connotation.

So, the M.C.ers tend to automatically assume that when greeted with the "Happy Holidays" phrase, that the greeter is a non-Christian.  And their devotion to the Lord makes them feel that these well-wishers are trying to take Christ out of the Christmas season/celebration.

The H.H. ers do not like the M.C. ers because they feel that these people are trying to force their religious beliefs upon others.  They may or may not believe in Christ and by echoing "Merry Christmas" back, might fear they this will be taken as a religious stance.  In addition, the H.H. ers may not even celebrate Christmas.  They may partake of Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, so the phrase "Merry Christmas" truly means nothing to them (although I believe the sentiment is understood by all).

I am a Christian.  I have been my entire life.  And my birthday is on Christmas day, too.  That being said, I honestly take no offense how I am greeted at this time of year.  The purpose of all of the holidays that occur during the month of December is to spread love, peace and happiness.  Each holiday involves people coming together with their friends and family to celebrate a holiday that is important to him/her.

As Christians, we need to avoid being overly sensitive when the vast majority of H.H. ers do not mean any ill will towards us or our beliefs.  By the same token, H.H. ers need to understand that not everyone who says "Merry Christmas" is trying to make a religious statement.  If I really wanted to force my views on others, I would say, "Happy Birth of Our Lord and Savior!"

Plus, has anyone looked at a calendar recently?  What does it say on December 25th?  It says "Christmas Day."  Just like how December 26th says "Kwanzaa begins."  I do not get offended by seeing these holidays listed.  While some of these days have no significance to me, they do to others.  And I respect the fact that not everyone has the same ideas and beliefs that I do.  The world would be a pretty boring place if they did.

As Christmas continues to draw near, I would like to invite the entire world to set aside its quarreling.  Focus on what truly matters:  spending time with loved ones. Whatever holiday you celebrate, I hope that you find peace, joy and comfort.  Merry Holidays and Happy Christmas!

Guilty Giving

Christmas is just around the corner.  There are parties to attend, presents to be wrapped and large holiday meals to consume.

Most importantly, this is the season of giving.  However, it seems that literally everyone wants you to give something to some one/cause.  Please do not misunderstand me.  I love to give, but, what happens when you feel forced to give?

The place where I work is hosting a Christmas party at the end of the week.  Everyone is supposed to bring in a delicious dish to share.  Then, a white elephant gift was requested.  And now, we are expected to bring in gifts to give to the student workers.

Much like the anti-drug campaigns in the early 90's, the phrase "Just say no," comes to mind.  But, I learned quickly that you do not want to be that person.  Case in point, I overheard a group of my co-workers talking about who brought in items for the student workers vs. who did not.

"They can just go to the dollar store and pick something up," said one co-worker.

Here again, we, as humans, are in the terrible habit of assuming that people have money to spare.  While I do not come to work with holes in my clothes and am lucky enough to not have to take the bus to work, my husband and I don't often have "spare" money.  Especially, not after purchasing Christmas gifts for the members of our families.  You cannot tell a person's financial situation simply by looking at him/her.

*Ironically enough, this person ALWAYS takes off the day of the office Christmas party.  Could it be because this person does not want to spend money on food for everyone?  Hmmm.....

And why do we judge people for not giving during this time of year?  Just because someone chooses not to give to your specific cause does not mean that the person does not give in general.  In fact, I have given money to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, the Pancreatic Cancer Network, the American Diabetes Association and the Missouri Humane Society.  My husband and I also sponsor a child in Sri Lanka through World Vision.  And I love to give to the Salvation Army bell ringers.

I give to these causes because they have special and personal meanings.  My grandma has Mantel Cell Lymphoma.  A dearly departed friend of mine suffered from pancreatic cancer.  My father has Type II Diabetes.  And I own 5 dogs and a cat.  It's safe to say that I love animals.

We chose to sponsor a child because we were inspired while attending a Christian concert. Our donation helps to provide much needed education as well as sanitary supplies and food.  Plus, we love to receive letters and photos from "our" girl.

Giving is supposed to be a voluntary action.  One should not feel coerced or forced into doing so.  People should give because their heart tells them to.

I hate to admit that I have succumbed to peer pressure.  On my way home, I did stop at the local dollar store.  And in doing so, I have spent some of the money that is supposed to be used for our mortgage.

So, remember the real reason for the season.  God gave us the ultimate gift, his son, Jesus, because "he so loved the world."  And that is the true meaning of the word "giving."

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Princess Paradigm

*SPOILER ALERT!  PLOT OF DISNEY’S “FROZEN” WILL BE REVEALED!*

 

For years, Disney has perfected the princess formula.  The princess seems to always find herself in trouble.  Then, she is rescued by the handsome prince.  Upon being saved, she is whisked away to the prince’s castle where they wed because on the 20 minute horse ride, they managed to fall deeply in love.

 

As predictable as these plots are, I still love them.  Disney always manages to give the classic fairytale story a unique twist.  But, I must admit, I am ready for a change.

 

This change came in the form of Disney’s latest film, “Frozen.”  I knew that the movie was sure to be good because it was created by the same team that worked on “Tangled” (another one of my favorites).  But, I had no idea that it would be….EPIC!

 

First, instead of the isolated “only child” princess, we are taken into the lives of two princesses.  Sisters Anna and Elsa live in a beautiful castle in a Nordic kingdom.  When young, they enjoy playing together.  But, Elsa was born with magical powers in which she can make things freeze.

During a particularly energetic bout of playing, Elsa accidentally hits Anna in the head with her ice powers, freezing her mind.  Anna is rushed to a clearing filled with magical trolls that manage to save her.  However, her memories of Elsa's magic are erased.  Fearing the near death of her sister, Elsa takes to hiding in her bedroom where her parents teach her to "conceal, don't feel."

As the sisters age, Anna cannot understand why Elsa wants nothing to do with her.  But, Elsa is soon forced from her hermit like ways when the girls parents die in a sea faring accident.  Elsa must be crowned queen...in front of the entire kingdom.

The gates of the kingdom have been locked tight since Elsa's incident with Anna.  Now, Elsa will have to try to keep her powers in check long enough for the coronation ceremony and ball.  Anna, on the other hand, is thrilled that she will actually get to interact with the townspeople.  She even hopes to fall in love.

With the party in full swing, Anna manages to find "the one."  But, when she asks Elsa for her blessing for the quickie marriage, Elsa turns her down.  Anna is crushed and tired of her sister always shutting her out.  She no longer wishes to live a cloistered life.  So, Anna pushes Elsa for answers to her many unanswered questions.

As Anna pulls on Elsa's hand, begging her to stay and not cancel the party, she inadvertently removes one of Elsa's gloves.  Upset that Anna is creating a scene, Elsa releases some of her magic.  With her darkest secret revealed and accusations that she is a sorceress, she feels she has no choice but to flee.

Anna truly loves Elsa and decides to go after her.  After leaving her fiance in charge of the kingdom, she heads out into the blizzard that Elsa has created.  Along the way, she meets Christoph and his reindeer, Sven.

Together, they manage to find Elsa.  However, convincing her to come back and thaw the kingdom will prove to be a less than easy task.  Elsa's fury gets the better of her and she hits Anna in the heart with her magic.

Meanwhile, Anna's fiance decides that Anna is in danger when her horse returns to the kingdom riderless.  He gathers troops and begins to search for her...and Elsa.

Anna begins to feel strange while plotting her next scheme with Christoph.  He recognizes that she has been infected with Elsa's magic and rushes her to his adoptive family, the trolls.  The king troll informs them that the only way to thaw Anna's freezing heart is with an act of true love.  He immediately sends Anna back to the kingdom to find her fiance so that she can receive true love's kiss, ending the spell.

In the tussle at Elsa's ice castle, she gets captured.  She is taken back to the kingdom where she is imprisoned and will be executed for the death of Anna.  Unbeknownst to Elsa, Anna's fiance does not love her and is hoping that she will die so that he can claim they said their wedding vows, making him the ruler of Elsa's kingdom.

Sven does not want to go back to the troll family with Christoph.  He knows that Christoph is Anna's true love and manages to persuade him to go back to the castle.

As Christoph races to save Anna, the evil prince (Anna’s ex-fiancé) is preparing to kill Elsa.  With Anna almost completely frozen, she had the ultimate choice to make:  kiss Christoph and be healed or save the sister that has always shunned her.

 

In a stunningly breathtaking performance, Anna chooses to save Elsa.  Christoph arrives in time to see Anna turn into solid ice.  You would think that he would try to kiss the statue in order to break the spell.  Or that Elsa’s tears would melt the ice.  But, in Disney’s most shocking conclusion yet, Anna manages to save herself!  The extreme love she showed for Elsa by sacrificing herself is considered true love and breaks the spell!

 

Finally, Disney has expanded its mindset to acknowledge other forms of love.  For decades, it has been the typical princess/prince routine.  This could tend to send the message that true love can only be felt in these romantic type relationships.  However, sisterly (or familial) love has taken center stage.  And I, for one, am thrilled! 

 

Disney began to step out of its box with the release of “Brave,” in which Merida’s mother saves her from being eaten by a bear.  The mother/daughter bond was beautifully portrayed.  I am hoping that Disney will continue to explore other relationships, such as father/son, best friends, grandmother/father with grandchildren.

 

I also loved the idea that Anna was able to save herself by…being herself.  She had always loved Elsa, even when it wasn’t easy.  Anna had every reason in the world to choose Christof and be happy for once in her life.  But, she loves her sister more. 

 

The final aspect of the film that I love is the fact that these princesses can take care of themselves.  Elsa needed no help in creating the amazing ice castle.  And Anna certainly didn’t need any assistance when dealing with her sister (aside from getting to the top of the mountain).  

These ladies will definitely not be depending on any prince!  They show young girls that you do not need to be dependent upon a man (or anyone else, for that matter) to find happiness.  Since the death of their parents, Anna and Elsa have been handling life on their own.  And while they may choose to fall in love, they do not have to be in a relationship to be happy or successful.

 

All in all, “Frozen” is one of Disney’s best films to date.  The powerful messages of inner strength, confidence and family love shine through in every snow covered scene.  With amazing animation and loveable characters, this is one adventure you won’t want to miss.